“I Didn’t Want to Survive”: A Widow’s Honest Story of Loss and Hope
Bonnie Bellairs-Reed had known her husband, Michael, since they were five years old. They grew up like family, fell in love as adults, and planned their future together. On September 14, 2022, Michael was killed in a car crash. In this episode of Unthinkable, Bonnie talks with Kyle Bachus about the reality of sudden loss and how she now helps others as a certified grief educator and coach.
When Everything Familiar Disappears
Bonnie describes the shock of the news as an out-of-body experience. In the days after a traumatic loss, families must make major decisions about funerals, finances, and legal matters, often while in a fog. She encourages grieving people to have a trusted person with them for big decisions. She also found that the hardest part came months later, when the initial support faded and she expected to feel better but didn’t.
Finding Her People
Traditional therapy wasn’t the right fit for Bonnie, but a widow and widower support group was. Connecting with others who truly understood helped her feel seen. After sharing her experience on social media, she completed David Kessler’s grief certification program and now leads widowhood support circles, one-on-one sessions, and virtual grief coffee chats through Life’s Unexpected Journey.
How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving
- Just be there. Sit with them in silence or let them cry without judgment.
- Say their loved one’s name. You won’t remind them of the loss; they live with it every day.
- Don’t ask what they need. Just do something helpful.
- Avoid saying they’ll “get over it.” People learn to live with grief, not get over it.
A Message for Anyone Facing a New Loss
Bonnie’s message is simple: you will survive this. In the first year, she didn’t want to survive, and she says many grieving people feel that way but are afraid to say it. Over time, the pain eases, and grief and joy can coexist. Today, she honors Michael by helping others feel less alone.
If you or someone you love is having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Key Takeaways
- Take care of the basics early on: eat, drink water, rest, and get outside.
- Seek out others who have experienced a similar loss.
- Workplaces should prepare leaders to support grieving employees.
Ways to Listen
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