The Cruel Irony of Grief: Alicia Wolff on Losing Her Anchor
On February 5, 2024, Alicia Wolff’s husband was driving their two children home from school, just blocks from their Denver-area home, when a 23-year-old drunk driver ran a red light through a school zone and struck their car. Her husband, a professional ballet pianist, was killed. Their children, then 7 and 9, were seriously injured. In this episode of Unthinkable, Alicia shares her story with Kyle Bachus.
The Day Everything Changed
Alicia, a nurse, became worried when her family was late and a helicopter flew overhead. She checked her husband’s phone location and walked to the blocked-off intersection, where an officer told her he had died and her children were on the way to the hospital. She describes shifting in that instant “from wife and mother to just mother.” She is now a strong advocate for families sharing their phone locations.
Writing Through the Pain
In the months that followed, Alicia spent her days in a café near her kids’ school, writing letters to her husband. Those journal entries became her book, Walking Beside You: A Widow’s Journey, a raw, day-by-day account of grief, anger, and love. One line captures it: “There’s a cruel irony in grieving the very person who would have been your anchor through the devastation of their loss.”
Healing as a Family
Alicia began therapy within a week of the crash. Her children have done EMDR and play therapy, along with occupational therapy for their brain injuries, which has helped them express and regulate their grief. Kyle shares that EMDR was one of the most helpful parts of his own recovery after his mother’s death. Alicia has also returned to painting, something her husband always encouraged.
Key Takeaways
- Share phone locations with your spouse and close family members.
- Therapy, including approaches like EMDR, can help both adults and children process trauma.
- Grief is love that has nowhere to go. It doesn’t need to be hidden.
- Drunk driving is a selfish choice with consequences families live with forever.
Ways to Listen
Watch or listen to the full episode of Unthinkable on your favorite platform:
